This Hart Psychologist has over ten years of counselling experience with individual adults and children, couples, and groups in private, educational, corporate and volunteer settings. He has a friendly manner and endeavours to make people feel comfortable and supported in counselling.

What has made you interested in helping couples with their relationships?

I’ve always been interested in human interaction in general and romantic relationships are especially dynamic and intense given the high expectations partners tend to have of one another. In particular, intimacy tends to evoke very powerful primal emotions which can be both deeply upsetting and comforting.

What are the most common relationships problems that you see in couples coming to you?

Unpleasant conflict, waning intimacy, diverging life goals, emerging power and status imbalances.

What are the most common problems for women in relationships?

Feeling that her partner is too emotionally detached and reluctant to engage in ‘deep communication’. Also, having a wish to live a more dynamic life while her partner seems to be becoming more narrow or ‘set in their ways’.

What are the most common problems for men in relationships?

Experiencing his partner as too harsh, critical or emotionally unpredictable. Discomfort or confusion with his partner’s desire to try to have a more diverse or dynamic life and relationship.

What would you like clients to know about the couple counselling process before they come in?

That the most successful outcomes occur when both parties become interested in exploring their personal contribution to the problems.

Which couple has made the biggest turnaround, from being in severe trouble to transforming their relationship into a happy loving one?

Over the years I’ve worked with a few remarkable couples who years after a sometimes hostile complete parenting, property and financial legal separation have rekindled things and formed a more fulfilling and functional relationship.

If you had one word of advice for couples with children, what would it be?

Firstly, have ongoing discussions to ensure reasonable alignment of parenting styles especially around discipline. Secondly, consciously prioritise the couple relationship separately to the parenting role.

What advice would you give to couples trying to rebuild their relationship after an affair?

Be aware that most couples are able to heal from infidelity if both partners recommit to the relationship and play their part in terms of trust recovery. Indeed, over time, many couples describe a deeper and more fulfilling relationship post-affair.

What, for you, are the most important things that couples need to remember if they want their relationship to thrive, instead of just survive?

Maintain an appropriate balance between intimacy and separateness, that is, don’t spend too little or too much time together, focus on the quality of interactions and make sure both of you are thriving as individuals first and foremost.

What proportion of your couple clients manage, with your help, to successfully recreate a happy relationship from the difficult one that they came in with?

Most I’d say, but impossible to answer as the happy ones tend not to return!

What do you find is the most satisfying and fulfilling part of this work that you do?

Easing extreme emotional suffering as well as witnessing people gradually overcome their shame and pride to examine their insecurities non-defensively.

List 3 qualities that your friends and family would describe you as having.

Interested

Caring

Patient

13. List 3 strengths that you have as a Psychologist.

Ability to present complexity simply

Not being wedded to any one therapeutic modality

Emphasising relational dynamics rather than just individual psychological factors

14. How many years’ experience do you have practicing/helping clients?

Twelve

Relationship counselling Melbourne and Couples counselling melbourne.

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This Hart Psychologist offers online counselling through Skype or Zoom. She is a registered psychologist with 14 years of diverse experience in private practice as well as psychology consulting to the private sector in Australia, USA and UK. She is an associate member of the Australian Psychological Society.

What has made you interested in helping couples with their relationships?

To be in true connection with another, where we can feel secure, loved, bonded, valued, respected and as though we have a companion and ‘fellow adventurer’ through all that life has on offer, is so beautiful. I know from my own background and family history, that I have carried some beliefs, ways of being and self-perceptions that have not always led to having rich and meaningful connection in a partner relationship. Having explored and ‘trial tested’ on myself a wide-range of strategies (from wide and varied sources and perspectives) to heal my own blocks to being in a healthy union, I feel so blessed to be able to share what I personally have had work for me, with others who may be desiring to create and maintain a loving relationship with their partner, family members and so on.

What are the most common relationships problems that you see in couples coming to you?

As I reflect on this question, after seeing couples over the past 13 years, there are some clear and consistent challenges that couples often want to move beyond. They include:

Not feeling seen, heard, valued or respected by their partner
How to communicate lovingly and in a way that meets the needs of each other
How to work through conflicts that may arise so both people can have their needs met
How to keep the love and ‘spark’ alive once kiddos are part of the equation
How to make the couple relationship a priority when life is so busy, and life seems so full of routine
How to keep intimacy and sex-life awesome
Navigating a fly-in-fly-out (FIFO) lifestyle if one person works away from home
How to work together as a couple with challenging family members (e.g. in-laws, own parents, ex-partners who may be a co-parent, step-kids)
How to survive an affair
Anger issues
How to support a partner with depression, anxiety, high-stress etcetera
How to transition from being partners to parents
How to stay connected when have different parenting styles

What would you like clients to know about the couple counselling process before they come in?

Both parties need to be genuinely committed to the common goal of having the relationship succeed
New ways of thinking and behaving takes time, effort, and consistency – there are no ‘one-hit-wonders’ and both parties in the couple need to make the effort required for sustainable change to happen
Transparency, vulnerability, honesty, and being able to have the hard conversations in sessions (and back in daily life), so both people genuinely understand each other’s perspective is vital
Understanding that a range of tools and strategies may be needed for long-term success – there is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ process
All sessions with me are needs-based to each couple I work with
I will ask you to explore, try-out, play with, and adapt the tools and skills we go through in sessions at home – you will need to have a felt-sense that they work for you, in your unique circumstances
If there is love between a couple – ANY challenge can be overcome!

If you had one word of advice for couples with children, what would it be?

Self-Care

What, for you, are the most important things that couples need to remember if they want their relationship to thrive, instead of just survive?

Being present for each other on a daily basis is important
Be willing to have conversations that may be difficult – where you say what is real for you whilst being respectful to yourself and your partner
Genuinely listen to each other without being defensive or judgemental
Do not let things fester
Take accountability for what you contribute to the relationship when it is going great and going poorly
Commit to recognising there is history in your relationship and then focus on what factors will lead to health moving forward
Both parties need to be constantly investing time, energy, presence, love, kindness, quality communication, honesty and vulnerability
Be mutually supportive of one another
‘Choose’ each other every day – invest time in identifying what you love and appreciate about each other

List 5 qualities that your friends and family would describe you as having.

Genuine
I call it as I see it
Intuitive
Problem-solver
Respectful

List 5 strengths that you have as a Psychologist.

I tend to see what lies under the surface that can be difficult for the client when they are ‘in it’
Non-judgemental
Present
Adaptable and flexible in co-creating strategies (with the client) and solutions that are based on the needs of each client’s unique needs
I never ask a client to try tools and strategies that I have not rigorously trialled on myself

How many years’ experience do you have practicing/helping clients?

I have been a registered psychologist since 2004

Online Marriage counselling.

If you would like to make a booking with this psychologist or any other of our psychologists, you are welcome to fill out an enquiry form here, or call our friendly receptionists on 1300 830 552.

Psychologist Interview (Marriage Counselling Melbourne)

Day: February 7, 2018