Thank you for taking the Attachment Style Quiz.
Based on your answers, you’re a Cool.
This means generally you value your independence, and you don’t want or need to speak about your feelings or emotions much.
You tend to value ‘ME’ time over ‘WE’ time, and you usually put the needs of your own above your relationship.
More information about Cool’s and Cozy’s
What kind of relationship are you in?
Now that you’ve identified whether you tend towards Cool or more towards Cozy, it’s time to determine what kind of relationship you’re in. In general, there are four:
1. Cool + Cozy.
This is by far the most common kind of relationship: one of each. It’s also potentially the most frustrating for both partners, since each one tends to focus on different things—and each one often tries to persuade the other to be more like them. Unaddressed, however, this combo can lead to a relationship that disappoints both.
2. Cool + Cool.
‘Double Cool’ relationships are, unfortunately, often free of passionate engagement of any kind—both the explosive arguments and the passionate embraces. (Even ‘make-up sex’ isn’t on the agenda.) While the two partners often relate in rational ways, their partnership can feel like a dry, distant friendship of two polite strangers. While a Cozy/Cool can evolve into a Cool/Cool over time, it’s no more satisfying: One partner gives up all hope of having the warm, tender, close relationship she wants, and chooses instead to settle for what she has, putting energy into her own projects and just going through the motions in the relationship. (And of course the ‘she’ here can just as easily be a ‘he’.)
3. Cozy + Cozy.
While the ‘Double Cozy’ sounds warm and loving in the abstract, in real life it can mean each partner’s own passions are largely subjugated for the benefit of the relationship. The two Cozys may be secure and comfortable in each other’s love, but the conditions can be too comfortable…and lack much serious sizzle.
Extraordinary Relationships are ones in which both partners feel truly loved and supported by the other. Their needs are met and respected, their love life spicy and sexy— yet they’re still free still to pursue their own interests and passions. It’s the best of all worlds, and The Hart Centre can help you to develop your own relationship to this stage where you’re experiencing both lovingness and passion.
Don’t worry if you don’t seem to fit fully into one particular character type. You may be undergoing a change, which can be expected of one or both partners over the course of time. The most common change is for a Cozy who’s paired with a Cool to give up trying, as repeated efforts to please his/her partner start to feel futile. At some point, a typical Cozy will begin to take care of and develop his or her own interests, becoming more Cool over time. Cools can change, too. Most commonly, Cools will move suddenly (and often only temporarily) towards Cozy when they feel the relationship is in danger of being lost, or when it is lost altogether. Cools can also become more Cozy when they’re single and pursuing in a new partner—sometimes surprisingly so. Once they settle in, however, their Coolness often returns.