Why is it that droves of smart, competent, savvy, successful women right across the world, are still waking up to find that they have lost or diminished themselves in their relationship yet again?
Having counselled many thousands of women in their relationships and individually over the last 12 years as a Psychologist, one of the most striking patterns I have discovered is how little women, truly love and honor themselves, and it particularly shows up in their relationships.
Many women neither know of, nor believe in, their own true power.
Even with a generation of women’s liberation, there are many secret places where women still do not feel and act on their true and authentic power.
Are you one of the many women who, although successful in many ways in their lives, have not found your full female power yet, and particularly in your closest relationships?
The explanations for this seem to lie in both the biological differences between the sexes, and as well, your personality type and tendencies.
Biologically, both the female brain and the effects of estrogen in their system means that women are built primarily for connection and social harmony, and that is what drives a female to do from birth.
Without being conscious of it at all, maintaining the social approval of others, and the relationship at all costs is the goal, if you are “wired” and “marinated” as a girl.
For men, it’s a very different story. The flow of Testosterone, combined with their brain makeup, leads them to want to be potent and affect the world, and value personal strength, protection, providing and sexual prowess.
So, in summary and in general, women put their relationship needs first, their personal needs second; and men put their own needs first, and their relationship needs second.
Or alternatively, women tend to over-function in their togetherness and emotional closeness, and under-function in their independent, individual self.
Men, on the other hand, tend towards over-functioning on their individual self, and under-functioning in their togetherness and emotional closeness.
To have a happy life with a fabulous relationship, we need BOTH in equal measures.
If you are a woman, who has lost a lot of yourself in your relationship, then the solution is learning how and where this has happened, and how you can become more true to yourself and go for what you love, first and foremost.
Step 1. Discover just what you have given up for love.
Here are some questions to ask yourself.
- What do you do for love, that you wouldn’t do otherwise?
- How have you shrunk, or squashed yourself in your relationship? (like as soon as you think of something you would like or love, you just cancel it in your own mind)
- Where are you feeling contracted in your life, and does it relate to your being in your relationship?
- Have you lost the feeling of your own potential? What parts of yourself have you not yet experienced or explored, or lost?
- What aspects of your relationship drain you and your energy?
- Where have you defined yourself as your partner defines you?
- Where have you behaved in ways because you sought your partner’s approval?
Step 2. Start tapping into your Inner Authentic Power
- First stop what’s not been working
- Start with you by designing your life from the inside out.
- Use your anger and resentment as your Wake-up Call
- Saying No and meaning it.
- Being assertive with power and ease.
- Finding the hero in him
- Finding your Goddess energy, and showing your man the difference between love making and sex.
“It’s women who create life. Women who inspire. Women who can bring out the hero in every ordinary man. Women who understand the language of ecstasy. Ah, what a privilege it is to be a woman” (Regina Thomashauer) If you need help with empowering yourself in your relationship, we have Individual and Relationship Psychologists in Sydney and all other capital cities and large regional areas of Australia. Call us now for an appointment or you can use our Search box to the right of this page to find our Psychologist closest to you