Psychologist Interview with Charley (Marriage Counselling Perth)

Psychologist Interview with Charley (Marriage Counselling Perth)

relationship counselling PerthCharley is a registered psychologist and an associate member of the Australian Psychological Society and the Australasian Society for Traumatic Stress Studies. She has experience as an adult, adolescent, child and couple therapist and is also a trained trauma specialist. She utilises mindfulness on a regular basis and enjoys seeing people transform as they find calm in the midst of chaos.

To read more about Charley or view her psychologist profile, click here.  Marriage counselling Perth.

 

  1. What has made you interested in helping couples with their relationships?

I enjoy working with couples. I find the dynamics and the different issues they have interesting. I get a sense of satisfaction in my knowledge and ability to help couples manage their crises.

 

  1. What are the most common relationships problems that you see in couples coming to you?
  • Infidelity (cheating)
  • Past trauma like childhood sexual abuse interfering with the relationship moving forward
  • Communication
  • Feeling disconnected
  • Conflict avoidance
  • Anger management
  • Sex (erectile dysfunction, porn or sex addiction)

 

  1. What would you like clients to know about the couple counselling process before they come in?

I prefer to see partners together from the start. I like to be transparent and will state what I see from the start. I will also tell you at the end of the first session, what I plan to do to help you.

 

  1. If you had one word of advice for couples with children, what would it be?

One word for parents with children – children are our potential. They are small and powerless but what you give them, they will take into the world to create their own lives. You need to give them what they need to do that and grow with them. What you get back, is personal growth and a good relationship with your children. I always believe children deserve respect and in return you get respected.

 

  1. What, for you, are the most important things that couples need to remember if they want their relationship to thrive, instead of just survive?

Often people come to therapy when they are on the edge of a crevasse and about to fall in. Although I’m used to this and help to manage the crisis before therapy can begin, it’s important to get to counselling therapy as soon as possible. There are answers that I have that you may not have. There are skills I can give you to improve your relationship and help you be happier with each other. We are relationship experts and have the best therapy for you.

 

  1. What do you find is the most satisfying and fulfilling part of this work that you do?

I enjoy my work with couples because I feel like I’m in my element. There’s so much going on to take notice of. There’s so many dynamics happening in the therapy room. I find it rewarding when I see the changes take place. I feel best equipped to do couple work than any other type of psychology work.

 

Marriage counselling Perth

If you would like to make a booking with Charley or any other of our psychologists, you are welcome to fill out an enquiry form here, or call our friendly receptionists on 1300 830 552.

How Much Can You Trust Your Partner? (Trust and Loyalty = Counting on Each Other)

In a relationship, trust is based on two distinct aspects:

Your own personal integrity as a person, and being there emotionally for your partner.

For each one of us, personal integrity is based on our willingness to do the right thing even when no one is watching. Are you this kind of person? Can you rely on yourself to come through in this way?

For couples, trust is about coming through for your partner. It’s something you both need to be able to count on: that in that moment your partner feels he (or she) most needs you, you’ll be there. Every time. And that your partner will be there for you in your moment of pain or crisis.

John Gottman’s recent research has shown without a shadow of a doubt that when relationships become distressed, the central missing ingredient is the ability to build and maintain this trust with one another. On this issue, there’s really no compromise. As human beings in relationship with others, trust is the most fundamental need we have — to know that when we’re in trouble, hurting, or having difficulties, that our partner will respond empathetically. That we’re not alone.

Many unhappy couples feel their partners simply can’t be counted on to “be there” for them in these essential moments. Emotional injuries from a lack of trust over time create a deep, wide gulf of emotional distance between them. This leads to eventual betrayal or the quiet dying of their love.

 

Trust Builds a Bond

On the other hand, for happier relationships where trust between the two is present or has built up over time, its emotional presence creates safety, security, and openness for both partners. It deepens their love beyond its first passionate infatuations. As years roll by and love matures, trust ripens to a sense of mutual nurturance and moral responsibility for building a life together. In healthy relationships, love and trust are intertwined, growing together to form a lasting and powerful bond.

 

What are the exact ingredients of trust between a couple?

Here they are, couched in questions so that each of you can ask yourself of each other, discuss, and see whether there are any elements you might need to work on.

 

1. The Trustworthiness of My Partner as a Person:

 

Can I count on you to be a truthful person?

Are you as you appear to be?

Do you keep promises you make, and follow through on what you say you’ll do?

Are you transparent as a person?

Are you secretive? Do you hide aspects of your life from me?

Are you a good person who treats other people kindly?

Do you show goodwill towards others?

 

2. Your Couple Trust and Loyalty:

 

Can I count on you to be there for me when I really need it?*

(*This is an incredibly important question. If the answer is NEVER or OCCASIONALLY, stop and discuss it together until you are clear what you need to change to make this happen.)

Do I come first in comparison to others or to your goals?

Do others (or other things) take priority over me?

Can I trust you to choose me over your friends?

Can I trust you to choose my interests over those of your parents?

Can I trust you to care more about our relationship than about just yourself?

Can I trust you to be home when you say you will be?

Can I trust you to be motivated to earn money and create wealth for our family?

Can I trust you not to follow up on other sexual interests you might have?

Can I trust you to keep me as your closest friend?