We have developed this free, do-it-yourself couples’ questionnaire, specifically designed for couples wanting to future-proof their relationship, and determine their true compatibility. Backed by 20+ years of couples’ Psychology.
At The Hart Centre, our mission is to help people find their way back to love. And, with over 20,000 (and counting) couples’ we’ve helped, we like to think we know a thing or two about what determines a couples’ ability to go the distance.
Relationships have evolved in many wonderful ways, and marriage isn’t the only way to commit to one another anymore.
Many people decide to have children together but never get married, or, to buy a house first, or pack up and move to another country together.
All of these (and many more) acts of commitment are important, and should be valued.
If you’re looking to future proof your relationship and give it the best chance possible, we’ve adapted and consolidated the questionnaire previously named our ‘Pre-Marriage Program’, to now be available to everyone, free, for whichever type of commitment you may be facing.
Click here for the printable PDF version.
Maybe you’re considering…
- Having children together
- Moving in together
- Moving away together
- Getting married
- Creating a blended family
- Buying a house together
- Just wanting peace of mind
Commitment looks different for everyone. Marriage is not the only meaningful form of commitment. Building a life together can include a shared home, a family, a move across the country, or choosing each other again after a hard season.
Whatever your next step is, clarity now can prevent pain later.
How it works:
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Read through the questions together, or print two copies so each person can complete their own.
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Take quiet time separately to reflect on your expectations, hopes, and assumptions.
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Set aside one uninterrupted hour to discuss your answers together.
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Notice where you align, where you differ, and what conversations you have been avoiding.
By the end, you should have a clearer sense of your strengths as a couple and the areas that need attention.
The couples compatibility questionnaire
Living Arrangements:
Who will do each of the household duties, and how will these be split between us?
Do we have similar expectations about tidiness and messiness?
Finances:
What of our assets and income will be considered joint and what will be mine? And, how will each of us access these?
What debt or other financial commitments am I bringing into this relationship? Will these be shared or my sole responsibility?
Children:
How many children, if any, would I like to have? And, is there a specific timeline I’m committed to?
What is my style of parenting? (Authoritarian (you’ll do as I say), Democratic (let’s consider all views and be fair and reasonable) or Easy Going?
What gender roles do I want when it comes to who looks after the children, and to what extent is this a shared responsibility? (Is one person staying home with them, while one provides financially, are both providing equally?)
Do I want our children to be vaccinated?
Careers:
What are my future plans for my job or career, and from a scale of 1 – 10, how important are those to me?
Extended Family:
How much contact do I want with both my family and my partners?
Do I have any problems with either of our extended families at the moment?
Do I have any concerns or hesitations with either of our extended families?
The Future:
What type of home do I want?
What are my preferred locations, and how open to moving in future am I?
What future plans do I have and how important are they in my life?
How willing am I to consider both my and my partner’s viewpoints and desires equally?
Values:
Do I have strong views about manners, swearing, honesty or other values I hold as important?
Do we have any major political, social or religious views that differ from each other?
Being Together:
Are there any personality differences that bother me about my partner?
How important is spending quality time with my partner to me? And, what does that look like for me?
Which way is most natural for me to show my love for my partner?
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- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service (doing things for them, determining their needs)
- Words of Affirmation (telling them how much you love them)
- Buying Gifts
- Spending Quality Time Together
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In what way do I prefer it be shown the most?
Sex:
Am I sexually attracted to my partner? And do I feel they’re attracted to me?
What is our agreed level of monogamy, and how committed to that am I?
Have I told my partner what I like and don’t like sexually?
Am I happy with how often we make love or have sex?
Who initiates sex? Am I happy about that or would I like it some other way?
What is the best way for my partner to seduce me / indicate they’d like to have sex?
Trust:
Do I truly trust my partner to tell him /her anything?
Awareness and Growth:
How willing am I to look at, and improve upon my own behaviour patterns?
How willing is my partner to look at and improve upon their behaviour patterns?
What was my contribution to my last relationship ending?
Communication:
Do I feel that my partner is completely honest with me?
Do I feel confident that we both can resolve and difficulty? How would we do that?
Do we both seek to understand where the other person is coming from?
When I am upset or struggling, how do I like my partner to show their support? (Giving me time alone, comforting me, helping me find solutions, etc.)
How do we bring up a disagreement? And, is there a better way they can bring up an issue with me?
What are especially difficult subjects for me, that I need my partner to be careful about?
Have I discussed any previous traumas with my partner? Am I comfortable doing so?
What are my personal boundaries that I need respected by my partner?
If I feel things are heading off track in our relationship, what are some ways I prefer we try to fix things?
Towards Commitment:
What type of commitment am I ultimately looking for from my partner? And do I have a timeline for this?
What are the things I love about my partner and what we have together?
What are the things I would like to see changed or improved?
Of these things, what do I need to see changed for me to fully commit to our relationship wholeheartedly?
Why is this relationship more special to me than any relationship prior?
Most Importantly:
What are my non-negotiables in the relationship? (E.g., I must have my office space to myself; I must be able to eat healthy foods)
How do I know I love him/her?
What to do if your answers reveal tension
If you uncover differences, that does not mean the relationship is doomed. It means you have found the exact conversations that can strengthen your future.
The key is what happens next. Some couples can work through these topics on their own. Others benefit from guided couple counselling support, especially if discussions escalate into conflict, shutdown, defensiveness, or ongoing uncertainty.
Relationship counselling can help you communicate more clearly, understand each other’s needs, and make confident decisions about the future, whether that is moving forward together, repairing after a hard period, or finding clarity about compatibility.
You are welcome to call The Hart Centre on 1300 830 552 to be matched with a therapist. We work with clients across Australia, with dedicated services in major cities including Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Canberra, Brisbane, and Adelaide offering support both in-person and online.
Melinda Hart Penten 
Julie Hart 
