Your answers point to an avoidant attachment style – sometimes called dismissive-avoidant. Independence and self-reliance are likely core to how you feel safe. You can take care of yourself, you value your space, and when a relationship gets very close or intense, you probably notice an urge to pull back and breathe. None of that makes you cold or incapable of love – it’s a pattern, and usually a protective one.
Avoidant attachment often forms when relying on others didn’t feel safe or available early on, so self-sufficiency became the safest bet. The trade-off is that the same instinct that protects you can keep partners at arm’s length, leave needs unspoken, and make closeness feel like a loss of freedom rather than a source of comfort. Many avoidantly attached people quietly want connection more than their behaviour suggests.
The hopeful part is that this can shift – slowly, and without losing the independence you value. A relationship counsellor can help you notice when you’re pulling away on autopilot, put words to needs you’ve learned to minimise, and let closeness in at a pace that feels safe. It’s worth doing, whether for a current relationship or the next one.
Your relationship matters. For over 20 years, we’ve helped over 83,000 clients as Australia’s leading couples counselling group. With over 230+ Hart Centre Certified therapists, finding yours is easy.
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