Your answers point to a disorganised attachment style – sometimes called fearful-avoidant. It’s the most push-pull of the four: you likely want closeness deeply and fear it at the same time, so you can find yourself reaching for a partner and then pulling away, often without fully understanding why. If your relationships have felt confusing or contradictory from the inside, this is probably part of the reason – and it makes a lot of sense once you see it.
Disorganised attachment usually has its roots in early experiences where the people who were meant to be a source of safety were also, at times, a source of fear or unpredictability. That leaves a deep and understandable conflict: closeness signals both comfort and danger. This isn’t a character flaw, and it isn’t permanent – it’s a survival pattern that once made sense, and it can be gently rewired.
Of the four styles, this is the one where support tends to help the most, because the push-pull is hard to untangle on your own. A relationship counsellor can help you make sense of the contradictions, feel safer in closeness, and build relationships that feel steadier rather than chaotic. You deserve that, and reaching out is a strong place to start.
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