Planning a baby should feel exciting, pleasurable and full of hope for a couple. We imagine this time as one filled with emotional closeness, spontaneous intimacy, and joy.
But when pregnancy doesn’t happen as expected, the emotional toll can be heavy. Research shows that about 1 in 6 Australian couples face infertility challenges.
Doctors diagnose infertility when a heterosexual couple trying to conceive naturally does not succeed after 12 months (if under 30) or after 6 months (if over 30).
The Emotional Impact on Women
Repeated Disappointment, Self-Doubt, Grief
Each month that passes without conception—and the arrival of a period—can feel like a reminder of “failure.” Over time, women may internalize this, asking, “Why is my body letting me down?” or “What did I do wrong?”
This repeated cycle can spark deep grief, despair, and shame. The psychological burden can persist even after successful conception. In a longitudinal Australian study, 45% of women who overcame infertility still experienced psychological distress.
Intensity & Gender Differences
Recent research comparing infertile women and men found women often carry higher levels of anxiety, depression, and stress.
Infertility is frequently described as a “profound loss” and a significant life crisis by mental health professionals.
Because of social expectations around motherhood and fertility, women may feel more pressure, stigma, and shame in response to infertility.
The Emotional Impact on Men
Distress Expressed Differently
Men often respond to infertility in a more pragmatic way. They may want to “fix it” or move forward yet still feel deep disappointment and helplessness. Many men find it harder to verbalize their internal distress.
In some cases, fertility issues challenge identity and perceived masculinity. Infertility has been linked to decreased self-esteem, shame, and pressure to perform sexually.
Performance Pressure & Loss Spontaneity
Men may feel frustrated that intimacy becomes scheduled and mechanical. They might feel they “have to perform on demand,” which can erode desire and spontaneity.
In extreme cases, the stress and scrutiny may contribute to erectile difficulties or temporary impotence.
Impact on Sexual Intimacy & Relationship Dynamics
From Spontaneous to Scheduled
Intimacy often becomes confined to the “fertile window” each month. Moments of spontaneity, fun, and connection can feel sidelined—or worse, lost entirely.
The pressure to conceive can turn loving sex into a transaction: “Are we doing this to make a baby or to connect?”
Medicalization of Intimacy
Fertility interventions, tests, and monitoring make things more clinical. The intimate body becomes scrutinized, fertility tracked, and sex becomes a medical task.
Many couples report decreased libido, stress around performance, and the emotional weight of fertility procedures interfering with intimacy.
Communication Strains & Isolation
Infertility often gives rise to communication breakdowns. One partner may feel misunderstood or alone in their suffering. Isolation grows when couples avoid talking about their grief, blame, or fears.
One article notes that infertility can lead to “increased conflict, decreased intimacy, and feelings of isolation within the relationship.”
The Social & Emotional Toll
Social Life Shrinks
Some couples limit their social engagements, especially when friends become pregnant or have children. Comments like “Just relax and it will happen” or “What’s wrong with you two?” sting deeply.
One woman even reported a friend offering, “I can lend you, my husband!”
Family gatherings (Christmas, christenings) can become emotionally fraught. The couple may dread them or feel alienated.
Stigma, Shame & Silence
Infertility is still an often-taboo topic. The shame and stigma can stop people from voicing their pain.
When society equates womanhood or success with motherhood, those who struggle can feel judged, hidden, or “less than.”
Why Counselling Matters in Infertility
- Moreover, infertility is recognized as more than a medical issue—it deeply affects mental health, identity, and relationships.
- Psychological support integrated with fertility treatment helps couples cope, maintain intimacy, and reduces dropout rates from treatment.
- In Australia, counselling is increasingly viewed as a vital part of fertility care—and therefore mental health screening is being proposed as standard during fertility treatment.
At Hart Centre, our team includes specialists in relationship counselling who are trained to support couples navigating infertility.
Infertility brings with it emotional turbulence, relational strain, and moments of deep loss. Yet it does not have to define your story. With understanding, compassion, and support, couples can weather this journey—together.
Remember: you’re not alone. And with intention, tenderness, and courage, you can find your way back to connection, joy, and love.
Therefore, above all, be gentle with both you and your partner. This is a stressful time for both of you, but you can use it as an opportunity to pull together, support each other, and strengthen your bond.
Beverley in Bondi Junction, one of our Sydney team members, is a Relationship Psychologist specializing in Infertility. She offers Skype session for those located anywhere is Australia.
We offer relationship counselling across Australia, with major locations in Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth, Adelaide, Canberra, and Sydney – book a confidential appointment online
or contact our team today to be matched with the right counsellor.
Julie Hart 
