How to keep sex exciting is something many couples wonder about. A recent study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior points out that content couples tend to have “a satisfying sex life and a warm emotional life.” Using this as a foundation, this guide gives you practical, evidence-based tips to maintain desire, erotic intimacy, and emotional closeness in your relationship.
Why Desire Fades (And Why It’s Normal)
- Most couples start with passionate, idealized love (a “honeymoon” phase). Over time, the chemistry naturally evolves into a steadier bond of companionship.
- Eroticism and sexual desire don’t disappear; they shift. According to relationship experts like Esther Perel, erotic energy thrives not just through physical acts, but through imagination and surprise.
- To sustain desire, couples need to intentionally cultivate intimacy, novelty, and emotional safety.
9 Practical Tips to Keep Sex Exciting
Below are evidence-backed approaches you can use.
Prioritize Physical Health & Self-Care
Your body is the vehicle for erotic expression. Good sleep, regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and stress management all support libido and stamina.
Build Trust, Love & Commitment
Sexual satisfaction is deeply tied to feeling safe, respected, and valued. When you know your partner sees you for who you are, vulnerability is easier.
Deepen Intimacy Beyond the Bedroom
Emotional intimacy fuels erotic desire. Share your fears, dreams, and small daily moments. Couples who connect emotionally often report spikes in sexual interest soon afterward.
Make Sex a Regular Ritual
Whether it’s once a week or a few times monthly, having a rhythm helps keep anticipation alive. You can even “schedule” intimate time intentionally this doesn’t kill romance; sometimes it preserves it.
Broaden the Meaning of Sex.
Don’t limit sex to intercourse. Consider mutual pleasure, erotic touch, extended foreplay, flirtation, and erotic talk (e.g., whispering fantasies).
Manage Expectations Realistically
Every age has its challenges (hormonal shifts, fatigue, health issues). Expect ebbs in desire. What matters is how you respond together.
Address “Desire Stoppers” Quickly
Illness, stress, medication, unresolved conflict, these act as barriers. Communicate, problem-solve, or seek support before resentment grows.
Celebrate Erotic Energy
Allow your imagination, fantasies, and playful side to come alive. Eroticism is about more than mechanics; it lives in anticipation, surprise, and presence
A Team Sport.
Sex isn’t a solo project. Talk about what turns each other on, ask for feedback, take turns initiating, and explore together. The goal isn’t just orgasm, but deeper connection.
Relaxation & Sensual Safety First
Relaxation is the gateway to pleasure. When your body and mind are calm, it’s easier to move into arousal, eroticism, and satisfaction.
Expand Your Touch Vocabulary
Use affectionate, playful, sensual, and erotic touches. Don’t rush from greeting to sex, linger, explore, and play.
Balance Intimacy with Novelty
Too much predictability can dull desire. Introduce surprises, role-play, change settings, or whisper fantasies to reignite curiosity.
Erotic Play & Imagination
Eroticism thrives on the mind. Use flirtatious text messages, erotic storytelling, or guided fantasy to evoke desire even when physical proximity isn’t possible.
If patterns like avoidance, persistent lack of desire, or emotional disconnection persist, couples counselling or sex therapy might help you break through blocks and reawaken your connection.
Consider exploring relationship counselling or sex therapy as part of your growth path. You might find it helpful to check out The Hart Centre’s Relationship Counselling or Sex Therapy.
Your sexual relationship is meant to energize, bond, and enliven your partnership. If you feel stuck or want professional guidance, reach out today:
Use our Find Your Therapist box on the homepage to locate a psychologist near you. Or call us at 1300 830 552 for more details.
Let’s help you reclaim the spark and sustain a deeply satisfying, exciting connection for years to come.
Julie Hart (adapted from “Enduring Desire” Michael Metz & Barry McCarthy)
Julie Hart 
