Navigating a neurodivergent relationship can bring unique challenges. Whether you or your partner are neurodivergent, you’ve probably already noticed that your relationship requires understanding, patience, and a willingness to work together, sometimes more so than in a neurotypical relationship.
One significant but often misunderstood challenge in neurodiverse relationships is Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder (CADD), also known as Cassandra Syndrome. It’s a descriptive term first introduced by therapist Maxine Aston to capture a specific type of emotional disconnection that some partners experience when communication differences go unacknowledged or unmanaged.
CADD is best understood as a relational experience, not a pathology, and can cause deep distress if both partners’ needs aren’t recognised and supported.
What Is Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder (CADD)?
Coined by Maxine Aston, CADD describes a specific type of emotional and psychological distress experienced by partners of individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).
CADD describes a pattern of emotional and psychological distress that can arise in some neurodiverse relationships, most commonly reported by partners of individuals on the autism spectrum.
The name draws from the myth of Cassandra, who was cursed to utter true prophecies that no one believed. Similarly, those who identify with CADD may often feel unheard or unseen, which can lead to emotional isolation and frustration within their relationship.
These experiences can develop when partners have different ways of recognising, interpreting, and responding to emotional cues. This can be common in neurodiverse relationships, and is rarely about a partner’s intent or deliberate neglect. It’s not about blame or fault; it’s about two people whose emotional languages may differ.
Important note: Although the term ‘Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder (CADD)’ includes the word ‘disorder’, it is not a formally recognised medical or psychological diagnosis in the DSM-5. It is a descriptive term used by some therapists, including Maxine Aston, to capture patterns of emotional distress that may occur in certain neurodiverse relationships. It should be understood as an experiential concept rather than a clinical condition.
Common Emotional and Physical Experiences Reported by Partners
CADD can impact emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing. Partners who identify with this experience often report feeling emotionally depleted, disconnected, or confused about their relationship dynamic.
Below are some of the ways these experiences may appear across different areas of life:
Emotional Health
- Disappointment in the relationship: Feeling disillusioned or let down by emotional disconnection
- Confusion: Struggling to understand why emotional needs feel unmet
- Anger and guilt: Feeling frustrated with your partner, and guilty for feeling that way
- Low self-esteem: Doubting your worth or desirability
- Loss of identity: Feeling unsure of who you are outside the relationship
- Loss of confidence in your perceptions: Questioning your emotions and reality
Mental Health
- Frustration or resentment: Persistent irritation about communication struggles
- Listlessness or depression: Low mood or reduced motivation
- Anxiety: Worrying about the relationship or your adequacy
- Social withdrawal: Avoiding social situations or losing interest in connection
- Mirroring traits: Sometimes unconsciously adopting your partner’s coping style
Physical Health
- Headaches or migraines
- Weight changes
- Premenstrual tension
- Lowered immunity or fatigue
How to Address CADD Dynamics with Your Partner
If you recognise yourself in some of these experiences, it’s important to approach the issue as something you and your partner can work through together, not as a flaw in either of you.
When emotional needs aren’t being met, it’s easy to interpret that as rejection or intent. But most often, it’s a reflection of different processing and communication styles. Recognising this can open the door to healing and connection.
1. Educate Each Other
Share information about CADD and discuss how it relates to your experiences. Approach this with curiosity, not criticism, as an opportunity to learn each other’s emotional languages. Use books, articles, or therapy sessions to spark understanding rather than to ‘teach’ or ‘correct’.
2. Express Your Needs Clearly
Be specific about what helps you feel loved or supported. Many neurodivergent individuals respond best to direct, concrete communication rather than implied emotional cues. Clarity helps both partners succeed, reducing the risk of hurt feelings or misinterpretation.
3. Seek Professional Support
Consider couples therapy with a practitioner experienced in neurodivergent relationships. Therapy offers a neutral space to build strategies, reduce resentment, and strengthen emotional connection.
It’s also important to remember that your neurodivergent partner may be feeling equally misunderstood or overwhelmed. For many, communication differences can feel painful on both sides, not because of a lack of care, but because of differing ways of expressing it.
Three Practical Actions to Support Yourself
Relationship change takes time. While you work on communication as a couple or in therapy, small personal practices can make a big difference to your emotional health.
Journal Your Thoughts and Feelings
Writing down what you experience can help you process emotions and prepare for constructive discussions. Journalling also provides a reference for noticing patterns, which can help both you and your partner reflect together.
Establish Regular Check-Ins
Create a weekly or fortnightly time to talk about how you’re each feeling. Predictable communication helps neurodivergent partners prepare and reduces anxiety about being caught off guard.
Focus on Self-Care
Prioritise your own wellbeing. Activities like movement, mindfulness, creative expression, or time with supportive friends can restore emotional balance and reduce reliance on the relationship as your only emotional outlet.
Remember: You’re Not Alone
CADD, or the experience it describes, can be challenging, but it’s not hopeless. Many neurodiverse couples learn to bridge these emotional gaps through education, compassion, and structure.
What matters most is recognising the dynamic early, staying curious rather than critical, and working together towards mutual understanding.
Some people find the term ‘CADD’ validating; others prefer to describe it simply as emotional disconnection in a neurodiverse relationship. Either way, the goal is the same: deeper connection, empathy, and shared growth.
Find the Right Support
If you recognise these patterns in your relationship, our therapists can help you both feel more understood and supported.
Reach out today and start building a stronger foundation for connection and trust.
Julie Hart 
