Couples who’ve been together for a long time can start to take their relationship for granted — staying together even as both partners work less and less to maintain their intimate connection as lovers.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Most of us want more closeness, excitement, and variety, but few of us take proactive steps to maintain or improve our love life with our partners.

And while some men have been conditioned not to be romantic, almost all women yearn for it, and will often feel far more open sexually if their partner still flatters them with some romance. For them, it’s how their man demonstrates to her how she is special to him. Whether yours is a traditional male/female or a same-sex partnership, keep an eye on how these traditional differences can play themselves out.

One excellent way to re-spark the connection and develop a lifetime romance is to prioritize a weekly “Date Night” that finds the two of you enjoying being together, without the usual trappings of children, family, electronic distractions, or talk of work. Date Nights are simply fun time spent together, the way it used to be when you first met.

If not weekly, Date Nights should happen at least once every two weeks. Put it on your calendar and take turns planning the night. You need not spend a lot of money; besides dinner and movies, here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Indoor picnic: Set up a picnic dinner on a rug on the floor with candles.
• Surprise your partner with a pair of tickets to an interesting place or event
• Sign up for dancing or another class together

If possible, start this week by planning and executing your first Date Night.

Suggested add-on for your Date night: The Art of Gentle Lighting…and a Foot Massage

You will need either a pair of pillar candles or a half-dozen tea lights. Place them on the bedside table or around the bedroom. Gentle candlelight works best, as it provides just enough soft light to see each other and into each other’s eyes without any glare.

In the gentle candlelight of the bedroom, take turns massaging each other’s feet. Attending to your partner’s feet makes them feel loved and cared for. Start with general overall light squeezes, using your whole hand with a gentle grasp. Then begin to work each area of your partner’s foot, paying particular attention to the arch and ball of the foot. Finish off with light gentle overall touch, and move to the next foot.

If you’re the massager, you don’t have to be an expert. Just move slowly and be intentional If you’re the massagee, make sure to relax into the pleasurable receiving of the massage. Give your partner clear and gentle feedback as to what feels good. Doing so will help them build their repertoire of what you enjoy.