Premature Ejaculation: How to last longer in bed
The term Premature Ejaculation means different things to different people. Broadly speaking, it refers to a man ejaculating before he is ready or his partner is ready, with minimal sexual stimulation, and usually before or within a few minutes of vaginal penetration.
Only if it causes distress is it considered a problem.
Premature Ejaculation (or PE) is widely believed to be the most common sexual problem experienced by men, affecting about 20-30% of men at one time or another, and is very common with younger men in particular.
Some evolutionary theorists speculate that quick ejaculation evolved in our cave man era so that men could reduce the chances of being attacked by a predator while copulating. That’s efficiency!
It is important to understand that early ejaculation can have many different meanings, effects and consequences for the man and his partner. For example, many men with Premature ejaculation worry that they are letting their partners down, when in fact their partners are not bothered by it. So it is important to explore what it means for each partner.
Some men experience premature ejaculation only occasionally, while others live with it their whole lives. Premature Ejaculation can run in families: 91% of men with lifelong PE have an immediate male relative with lifelong PE.
However, all is not lost. Most men who ejaculate too quickly can learn to extend their arousal to last longer and increase sexual pleasure for themselves and their partner.
Ejaculation normally results when sufficient physical and/or mental stimulation is present. Ejaculation is a spinal reflex, controlled by the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system. A reflex is something that happens automatically without you having to think about it (such as heartbeat, breathing, and pupil dilation).
Ejaculation is usually accompanied by orgasm, which is what makes it a pleasurable sensation, however ejaculation can also occur without orgasm, and vice versa.
You can learn to slow it down
A man cannot force himself to ejaculate, just as a woman cannot force herself to reach orgasm.
However, men can learn to delay ejaculation by maintaining sexual stimulation below their critical threshold (ie. below the ‘point of no return’).
Learning where this ‘point of no return’ is and learning how to back off before reaching it is the key to delaying ejaculation.
Stress contributes a great deal
The sympathetic nervous system (that controls ejaculation) is also activated when we experience stress. So a man who is regularly anxious or stressed is more likely to experience premature ejaculation. Stress can also take the form of over-excitability. Young men especially can experience premature ejaculation due to getting over-excited.
Learning relaxation and breathing techniques to control stress and excitement levels can be a big help in extending lovemaking.
In my practice, I’ve seen many men with high powered or stressful lives who experience premature ejaculation. Doing things ‘quickly’ has become a habit, in all arenas of life. While this habit may serve its purpose in work situations, it’s not so useful in intimate lovemaking.
Fortunately all habits can be changed if there is sufficient motivation to change.
Here’s a list of health and lifestyle issues that can contribute to Premature Ejaculation:
- Endocrine problems
- Multiple Sclerosis (MS)
- Urinary tract infections
- Prostate infections
Drugs, Alcohol & Pharmaceuticals:
- Drug use, such as heroin and cocaine
- Reliance on alcohol to dull sensation
- Some prescription medications, such as tranquilizers
- Anxiety disorders & depression
- Anger, frustration
- Poor self-image
- Poor self confidence
- Stressful events (divorce, death, financial or work-related)
- Power struggles
- Fear of intimacy
- Demanding partner
- Unrealistic expectations
Premature Ejaculation is primarily a learned behaviour. While many sufferers of PE often seek medical solutions, there is no magic pill for unhelpful habits.
As with any sexual challenge, it’s quite common for both partners to be contributing in some way to a pattern of premature ejaculation. Consequently, sex therapists generally prefer to see both partners, since changing both people’s bad habits leads to the best outcomes.
What can you do?
If you would like to overcome your premature ejaculation and recreate a healthy and happy sex life again, come and talk with our Sex Therapist or Relationship Psychologists.
He/ she will explore what factors are contributing to your problem and give you strategiesthat will help.
Phone 1300 830 552 to enquire or make an appointment.
To Check which of our Psychologists are closest to you, please use our Find our Psychologist Search box on the right hand side of the page, or phone us on 1300830552 for more details and help.
Alison Rahn, Sex Therapist © Copyright 2012
Hertlein KM, Weeks G, & Gambescia N (Editors) (2008) Systemic Sex Therapy; Routledge
Leiblum SR (Editor) (2006) Principles and Practice of Sex Therapy; Guilford Publications, Inc.
Rathus S, Nevid J & Fichner-Rathus l (Editors) (2005) Human Sexuality in a World of Diversity, 6th edition, Boston : Pearson Allyn and Bacon
Waldinger MD, Hengeveld MW, Zwinderman AH, & Olivier B (1998) An empirical operationalization study of DSM-IV diagnostic criteria for premature ejaculation, International Journal of Psychiatry in Clinical Practice, 2:4, 287-293